The Individual

Don’t call me average, that’s just mean
I can be modish in my own way
Though I dress in mass-produced clothes
Which conform to the expectations of the workplace
While keeping me warm or cool
Depending on the weather

Don’t call me average, that’s just mean
I prefer to be unique, as do we all
I’m not just another face in the crowd
With two eyes, a nose, a mouth in the usual proportions
Somewhere between goddess and goblin
I might be recognisable

Don’t call me average, that’s just mean
Although I do prefer the middle ground
Extremes are for zealots and narcissists
I form my own opinions from mainstream media sources
Paid for by advertising, tailored to my personal interests
We all agree that grouptthink is bad

Off The Meds

It’s shocking and heartskipping
To be off the meds
Occasional jolts of electricity
Messing with my head
I can feel my skin get thinner
And my eyes grow wide
I’ll talk too much and much too fast
(OH LOOK! A SQUIRREL!!)
Until I need to hide
In some quiet corner, then I’ll skulk
In silence while I brood
Unless anger overtakes me
Making me just LOSE IT
Embarassing myself again
And making people stare 
I’m sorry, I can’t help it
Right now, I’m not all there
I know my voice is too loud
My movements sharply jerking
If I could concentrate, I would
Much rather just be working
Please don’t make me cry today 
It would be all too easy
A criticism is enough
To fuck me up, believe me
I’m usually so competent
Clever and engaging
But not today, all I can do 
Is stop myself from raging
With limited success, I fear
As I decompensate
The demons climb up on my back
And riddle me with hate
For this frail mind and all its tricks
I’m trapped inside the storm’s eye
If only my GP had sent
The scrip for SSRIs

Why I Hate Valentine’s Day This Year

If you wanted to, you could.. 
and you would.. 
even though you shouldn’t.. 
but as you haven’t.. 
it must mean you don’t.. 
and I just can’t.. 
..process that 
 
I hoped perhaps you might.. 
just maybe.. 
I daydreamed that I’d.. 
and then perhaps we’d.. 
but it hasn’t.. 
so we aren’t.. 
..and oh my god it hurts 

Letting Go

I’m teaching myself not to care about you 
The first step’s admitting I’ve been a fool 
For letting myself become carried away 
Believing the sweet things you said might be true 
 
I’m teaching myself not to care any more 
The second step’s harder because of the fall 
Shaken and bruised after crashing to Earth 
Flying was not worth the risk after all 
 
I’m teaching myself to leave you behind 
Breaking the habits that keep you in mind 
Learning distraction is step number three 
In turning my back on you, peace I will find 
 
I’m teaching myself that I can survive 
My heart might be broken but I’m still alive 
Step four is healing and starting anew 
The path may be long but I know I’ll arrive 

A Lesson in Chemistry 

atoms vibrate and whirl, collide in orbit 
there is a weak bond 
between us, that strengthens 
with proximity; the catalyst 
 
stripped from their paths and taking new direction 
particles of you and me find 
covalent attraction 
recombine to form “us”, an unseen compound 
 
electricity between a touch and a gaze; 
frisson becomes fission; 
gravity, a stronger force 
attracting and resisting; oscillating faster 
 
without synchronicity 
there is no fusion 
equilibrium cannot be maintained 
nor can integrity 
 
the equation is balanced by 
introduction of a third element 
an equal and opposite reaction 
triggers an explosion 
corrosion 
dissolves the shell around us 
lays bare our unstable nucleus 
 
we would never have reached a solution 
this separation is of a different nature 
the energy is spent and 

am 
depleted 

In Digital

Destruction is a matter of rewriting
Over and over with random nonsense
Until memory is clear

Disconnection can be achieved
By blocking or more completely; unplugging
Purge from the online world

Selective redaction is possible
With the right software and the will
One can be rendered incognito

Traces may yet remain
But can be avoided, through filtering
Of keywords and profiles

It is not so in wetware
The mind is harder to program
And rebooting a heart is messy